Superman had a Fortress of Solitude in the middle of an icy wilderness. A place where he could escape human beings and not be called on all the time to save our asses. There, he watched old images of his dead relatives, with the aid of magic crystals, a bit like DVDs, telling him how important he was and that he was the last of his race and the humans didn’t deserve him… Luckily he was above all that and just farted around, when he wasn’t in tights, as a bumbling hack – a bit like me in my former life (not the tights bit).

In the comics he got up to all sorts in his fortress, managing an alien zoo, writing his memoirs with a massive pen, storing secrets on a mega computer, but basically, it was just somewhere to kick back and forget about stuff. A place we could all do with. It sounds appealing and if you could fly as fast as a speeding bullet, were impervious to the cold and not under lockdown*, maybe it could be an option. But you don’t have to go those lengths.

Some men have Man Caves, which I’ve always been skeptical about (or maybe jealous of) a place to escape responsibilities or do ‘private’ things away from prying eyes. I’ve seen images of men proudly sitting in their caves, on Facebook, and basically the room resembles a teenage boys’ bedroom, except one where the occupant can legally drink beer and smoke weed.

I’ve also seen Lady Rooms, in this case just exchange the beer for gin and wine and add a craft of some sort. Other women are usually invited, thus defeating the object of the solitude and therefore making you wonder whether using the living room would have saved the trouble. But like with all dens, the fun is in the building. When it’s finished you think ‘now what?’

Throughout the pandemic it has been difficult to escape one another and many of us haven’t got the space to create a fortress. In my case, the garage is an option but I haven’t got enough clothes to wear to keep warm. I did think about building a shed inside the garage but this idea was met with a look that suggested I was insane and stupid. I still might do it.

Joseph Campbell, in his book The Power of Myth, suggested creating a Bliss Station, a ‘place of creative incubation’ – if you want to create a Man Cave/Lady Room, here’s your solid and wholesome reason. But chiefly it should be a place of solitude and silence. But like me, in the absence of a physical place, it could be a time, still tricky, but an hour before bed or when everyone gets up is equally beneficial. The key thing is the silence and solitude. No smart phones, no TV or radio and definitely no news.

Whether you’ve got a Bliss room or not, or actively take time out from the family, you should not feel guilty about it. As the writer Paul McGee suggests, we all need our ‘oxygen’ before helping others. On a plane, we’re told as parents, if the oxygen masks drop down, you should sort yours first (the same goes for life jackets). This is so you’re in a position to help your child and not passed out or dead before you can. And so, in life, you need to take your oxygen before you can be your best. This can be a walk, ride a bike, a creative task…

I can certainly relate to this. During Lockdown #1, I was working from home and homeschooling the children while my teacher wife was looking after key worker kids. Supervising homework was hard enough but nothing prepared me for the hell of homeschooling. One day, despite my wife being home and we could take a child each, it got too much and I had to leave the house. Despite that feeling I had let everyone down, it was doing no one any good by staying at home. I went out on my bike, had a cup of tea with a friend in his garden and felt much happier when I returned.

Self-care is more important than ever. You need your time and space to get back to being a rational and happy parent and person. It doesn’t do anyone any good to plough on regardless. If anything it can make things worse. Remember that even Superman had to fly to the middle of the Arctic to re-calibrate, but a little walk down to ASDA would probably be enough.

*Superman is surely an unpaid keyworker.