When you start having baths in the dark, while listening to Coldplay, you know something is wrong…

No one was more surprised than me when I made up my mind to withdraw from my teaching course. It was tough, really tough, but I was enjoying it and I was getting the rewards. I loved building relationships with students and engaging with them in a positive way. They liked me. They respected me. I knew I had what it took to be a teacher. The reality was different.

The other side was being part of a cohort, building friendships with people from diverse backgrounds. Hopefully, they would turn into long-term friendships. When I knew I was going to quit I thought about them. I wanted to complete our journey together, wear the silly hats and jump about.

It sounds corny, but after Covid, being in a room with 30 people on the same path was an absolute tonic. When we had met back in July, I hadn’t been in a room of more than four people, my own house, for over a year. We need to be with other people, as singer Frank Turner sang, “we’re not designed to be alone”.

Ultimately, it was my decision to leave. Things happened that hurt and hastened that decision, which I won’t go into, but I realised it wasn’t sustainable for me and my mental health. Teaching had always been at the back of my mind as a career. Amazingly, I got the chance. There was no doubt I was going to do it. I ignored those dissenting voices. I was determined. Even when the work piled up, I was going to do it. No one could stop me.

I feel happier now. I know I made the right decision. I was worried about how people would take it. There’s a primal fear about rejection and abandonment, and that’s how I was feeling. I’d let a lot of people down; they were rooting for me and I’ve messed it up. But it couldn’t have been further from the truth. I’ve been blown away by support and I don’t know why I deserve it, but thank you to those people.

What next? I don’t really know. I have ideas and that’s exciting. It’s just weird that here I am again, in January, figuring that out. East 17’s Alright keeps popping into my head as some sort of affirmation, and I do believe I will be.

I don’t regret a thing. I did it all for the right reasons and made decisions on what I thought was right for me and my family. Above all, I made a group of new, wonderful friends and I know we’ll stay in touch.

Alright, alright
Everything’s gonna be alright
Alright, alright
Everything’s gonna be alright
Alright, alright
Everything’s gonna be alright
Alright, alright
It’s really alright

No don’t be so sad
‘Cause love is by your side
No don’t be so sad
‘Cause life is too short to live
No don’t be so sad
I’ll be mad if you’re this
It’s alright
The message that I give